Sunday, August 24, 2008

In Memory of Anthony Bell

I just got off the phone with a guy named Joel Aiken.

Joel and his best friend, Anthony Bell, have both been fans of the station - and my show - for years. I've gotten to know both extremely well, and consider both friends.

Joel called to inform me that Anthony's family found him dead in his bed about three hours ago. Apparently he had been gone for some time, maybe as long as 12 hours before his body was discovered.

Body was discovered. Sounds so impersonal. So news-ish. Such an unfit ending for a young man who loved God, loved his family, and loved his Clemson Tigers.

For someone who was trying desperately to save his own life, Anthony deserved a better fate.

You see, Anthony and I are - or were - in a similar battle. A battle with obesity. But as big as I am, Anthony was - and I'm guessing here - probably 300 pounds heavier than me.

He and Joel were an odd couple. But a fun-loving odd couple.

Anthony and his beat up old van, lugging both Joel and himself around town. Be it to practice or to one of my show lunch stops. Here they'd come. Anthony always looking out for his little buddy Joel, who would either be on crutches or negotiating his way around in a wheelchair.

There were numerous times in the past three or four years that Anthony and I had talked at length about our weight issues. Everything from where to buy clothing that would fit, to trying to find the motivation to lose weight and get back part of our lives.

Ultimately we both found the motivation. But we chose different paths.

Whereas I began my current program in December, Anthony chose to have gastric bypass surgery. It was a long, excruciating decision for him I know. But ultimately he decided it was the best path for him to take.

He had the surgery in April, and when he last weighed in just a week or so ago Anthony had lost over 150 pounds. He'd had some minor complications, Joel told me. Things like dehydration and ulcers.

But the doctors apparently attributed it to the stress he was under not from the surgery, but from the constant vigil he held over his terminally ill father.

Anthony lost his father less than a month ago. The last conversation I had with him was that day, when he called to tell me his dad had passed away. We talked for probably 20-25 minutes, and at the end Anthony kept telling me how much he loved me, as only a Christian man could.

I told him that his dad wasn't suffering anymore, and that he had lived long enough to see Anthony take the step to extend his own life.

Whether that step - the surgery - was ultimately responsible for his death won't be known for a few days. An autopsy is scheduled before the funeral takes place.

Gastric bypass surgery is dangerous. It has a mortality rate with it. And it's because of those risks that I chose not to have it.

Again, I don't know what killed Anthony. I don't know if there were surgical complications that went undetected. I don't know if he lost too much weight too quickly and his heart couldn't take it.

I don't know if it was just his time. Time for him to be with his dad.

What I do know is that as I sit here writing this, it's hard to imagine that he's really gone. And, as you might imagine, it really hits home.

We shared a love of sports. We shared a love of radio, albeit from different sides of the business. And we shared a battle that some of you know well, but many of you never will.

And now he's gone. And I'm still here.

And I can't help but wonder why.

Anthony was a preacher, a singer, a foundation and a fan. An uncomplicated man, his loves were simple, and they were pure.

I can only hope he went peacefully. I can only pray he's at peace.

Keep his family in your prayers. Joel too. Joel likely will have to preach his best friend's funeral this week.

And on a much less important note, keep me in your thoughts and prayers, too.

This one hurts. And it's going to take some time to get over.

2 comments:

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Andi said...

Dan,
First let me start off by saying I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though I'd like to be able to say some kind of magic words to take the hurt away in these circumstances, there aren't any. But, I can tell you I'm keeping you in my prayers.

In my experience as an RN for over 15 years, I have seen some gastric bypass surgeries go well. But, I have seen many more that have ended up with complications that make them very sick or even die. I know that gastric bypass may be a last result for someone who is so morbidly obese that diet and exercise is not really an option. I'd hate to have to be in the position to be forced to make that choice.

As for me, I would not choose the surgical route. I have researched gastric bypass and the lap gastric banding procedure, but it is still not for me. I have experienced the whole gamut in this weight thing from being painfully thin in high school and not being able to gain weight in spite of myself to being obese in my adult life. I can identify with wanting to be thinner and healthier at this point in my life. But, I just feel as if the gastric bypass or banding surgeries are not for me. I'm satisfied with losing weight over an extended period of time, if that's what it takes to do it and remain healthy. And, it's a constant battle, as I know it is as well for those who've had the procedure. It's a personal decision everyone must make for themselves....and mine is already made.

I will keep you in my prayers.